She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
