I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
