I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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