So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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