I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Who died my cat blue again?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
