It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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