apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
