when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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