She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
