I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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