Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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