If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
