So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
