I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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