K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
