Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
