I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
