Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
