i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
