the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A+ Viking dick
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