it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
