Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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