Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So here I am, sexting at work.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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