she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
