i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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