He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
time to smoke my breakfast
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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