shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't deserve a penis
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
