I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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