I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
