I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're like the curious george of whores
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
