did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
