im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
