just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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