Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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