My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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