I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
