i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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