i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
