I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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