Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
