Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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