I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
