I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
