the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Is it because I queefed?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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