You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
