Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
