just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
