I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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