with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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