Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
